There was an old empire who swallowed a dove

There was an old empire who swallowed a dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

There was an old empire who swallowed a Babylonian,
She swallowed the barbarian to feed the dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

There was an old empire who swallowed a bomber,
She swallowed the bomber to bomb the Babylonian,
She swallowed the barbarian to feed the dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

There was an old empire who swallowed a barrel of oil,
She swallowed the oil to fly the bomber,
She swallowed the bomber to bomb the Babylonian,
She swallowed the barbarian to feed the dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

There was an old empire who swallowed a bushel of corn,
She swallowed the corn to make the oil,
She swallowed the oil to fly the bomber,
She swallowed the bomber to bomb the Babylonian,
She swallowed the barbarian to feed the dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

There was an old empire who swallowed a lake,
She swallowed the lake to water the corn,
She swallowed the corn to make the oil,
She swallowed the oil to fly the bomber,
She swallowed the bomber to bomb the Babylonian,
She swallowed the barbarian to feed the dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

There was an old empire who swallowed a bonfire,
She swallowed the fire to boil the lake,
She swallowed the lake to water the corn,
She swallowed the corn to make the oil,
She swallowed the oil to fly the bomber,
She swallowed the bomber to bomb the Babylonian,
She swallowed the barbarian to feed the dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

There was an old empire who swallowed a bible,
She swallowed the bible to stoke the fire,
She swallowed the fire to boil the lake,
She swallowed the lake to water the corn,
She swallowed the corn to make the oil,
She swallowed the oil to fly the bomber,
She swallowed the bomber to bomb the Babylonian,
She swallowed the barbarian to feed the dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

There was an old empire who swallowed a Franken-apple,
She swallowed the apple to proof the bible,
She swallowed the bible to stoke the fire,
She swallowed the fire to boil the lake,
She swallowed the lake to water the corn,
She swallowed the corn to make the oil,
She swallowed the oil to fly the bomber,
She swallowed the bomber to bomb the Babylonian,
She swallowed the barbarian to feed the dove,
We do not know why she swallowed the dove,
Perhaps she will make love.

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Clinton: the Scary Vagina

I am the Senator from New York. I am happy to admit I am a Nazi.

No, No, No. Not the kind that hates Jews. I love Jews. I am a Jewish Nazi.

No, No, No. I am not Jew, Noooo. (Phew, almost lost 20 Million goyim votes there.) I am more Jewish than the Jews. (NY is in my pocket now for good.)

I am the new kind of Nazi, the one who is happy when we go to these other-world countries with guns, WTO, NAFTA, IMF, and the world bank. Did I say guns? Yes, guns and 18-year old soldiers who need to grow up real quick or die doing so. It is the American way. Free market and all, people dropping like flies for a fistful of dollars. We destroy local ecologies like the Niger delta or Oaxaca or Darfur for natural resources and destabilize sustainable communities by privatizing their water and selling them Franken-seeds. We turn them into cesspools by indiscriminately discarding oil waste. It is good Nazi business.

Water-boarding? Nah, When I am the President, I will asphyxiate Ahmadinejad with my bare tits, no questions asked. (Take that, Mr. Clinton… (snicker, snicker)). Don’t get me wrong. I am all for negotiations, if you can find reasonable people these days. Vote for me in 2008.

Are you full of hate? Welcome. Hate is good. But without a working brain, it is impotent. Select the right source of your economic misery.

Iraq. Iran.

We need oil. If we have to strangle every child in Iraq and Iran to get it, I am all for it. I shall not compromise on the American way.

Yeah, I know you pay over $3/gallon at the pump. Guess what you would be paying if we did not offer all these subsidies to the energy industry. I can count to $27 Billion in subsidies in the 2005 Energy Bill easily. See for yourself. (Don’t mention the corn subsidy they use for ethanol. I enjoy my Franken-corn-on-the-cob when Bill has to sleep on the couch.)

Focus your hate on Iraq, Iran.

Yeah, Yeah. I know if we take this subsidy away, we can import another 12 million Mexicanos, just to wipe our pale ass for no extra taxes.

No, no, no. I am with you. Who needs chocolate like public water? Very unhealthy. Global labor with open borders not good. Before you know it, they will want real wages. Hate to see Dorothy in Kansas, high on high-fructose Franken-foods, living it up on the skid row. (My half-hearted attempt to carry a lost state.)

Vote Clinton 2008.

Die World!

I just talked to the president about our near-bottom position on the world happiness index. He believes this is a sinister terrorist ploy. He said, “I am the happiest guy on earth. And I represent the people. We are all very happy, trigger happy. We love war. I am sure they rigged the votes to put US at number 150 in happiness. I know how it is done, if you get my drift.”

He said, “This will not stand. I am asking Chain-y to wipe out the 149 countries ahead of us. And, just to make sure that no one but no one sneaks ahead of us, we shall preemptively attack and destroy all the countries below us as well. We shall remain number 1 forever.”

Dipstick


SoCal, Thirty years ago

I

John Blake slowly got out of his bed. Mechanically, he shaved, showered, and put on his work clothes. He ate his tasteless but genetically enhanced designer cereal without relish. He kissed his sleeping 7-month pregnant wife, Alice, and walked out of the house. His shoulders slumped a little further as his eyes focused on his shining black Hummer parked in the driveway . You could see a “For Sale by Owner” sign in the rear window. He had recently reduced the asking price drastically but still no one had called.

The price of gas had almost doubled from the time he had bought the Hummer. He remembered how happy he was, how envious his macho friends were, and how Alice loved his new car. But that was before they got married.

He uttered a silent lament, “fuck,” as he drove to the gas station. He had a 40-mile drive ahead of him to West LA where he worked for a bioengineering company.

The drive was not too bad, just expensive. People were trying to work from home or using carpools when they could.

“I must look for carpools on the net today,” he told himself. Soon he will be a father and Alice will have to stay home to take care of the baby.


II

“Hi Joe, How is the cloak and dagger stuff,” asked John with a broad smile.

“You pulling my leg again,” said Joe Barto.

John uttered an exaggerated no as he pours his coffee.

“I think that bitch is a Monsanto spy,” whispered Joe after a little self absorbed pause.

“Which bitch,”

“The new secretary, Becky”

“No,”

“I think she is trying to get in bed with me,”

“And you think it has nothing to do with your charming personality?” John said, laughing.

“I am married.”

“It must be the money, then.”

“You kidding me. I am just the lowly security guy.”

“May be the guns turn her on!”

“That is ridiculous,” said Joe as he splits his “off-the-rack” ill-fitted Jacket to proudly show his Magnum in his shoulder holster.

“Is that new.”

“Yes. John you should get yourself a gun.”

“No.”

“The way things are going, they will be rioting for food, gas, you name it. I have a room full of them. I will sell you one when you are ready,”

“How can you think about that. Aren’t you a Baptist or something?”

“John you should read the Bible someday. God loves genocide. There are 666 holy stories of butchery and mass murder, or thereabouts.”

“And the other cheek?”

“That’s just marketing,”

“Be careful, John,” said Joe to John’s receding back.

“I will,” John shouted back.

III

Becky swings open the office door and says excitedly, “The hospital called, Alice is having her baby.”

“I knew it, I knew it, I didn’t want to come to work today.”

“Good luck, John,” yelled Joe.

“Call us when you can,” said Becky

John hurriedly departs from work. He is in the hospital waiting room in 30 minutes. He waits.

He sees the doctor walking toward him. He rushes up to meet him.

“Doctor, Doctor, how is Alice,”

“You have a healthy boy.”

“But how is Alice.”

“She is not doing too well. We are moving here to critical care.”

“What happened, Doctor.”

“She was bleeding too much…and the brownout is not helping.”

“What about the generators.”

“They have not worked in 6 months…there is just enough diesel for the critical unit. And, your insurance does not cover power outages”

“Oh, God.”

“Do not despair, there is hope.”

“Can I see her.”

“Give us a few minutes, she is being moved.”

“What am I going to do,” said John to no one in particular.

A pause.

“Can I see the boy. We are going to call him Eric.”

“Yes, the nursery is this way.”

SoCal, Twenty-seven years ago

I

Yura was always hungry like his friend Mark, living on the streets of the beach town. No, he was not a tinfoil-hat veteran or a drug addict. His father had committed suicide a couple of years ago when the bank foreclosed his mortgage a few months after he lost his job.

He was a UCLA dropout and a hoodlum, working the streets, looking for food to support himself and his ailing Korean mother. And thinking overtime to find a way out of the LA quagmire.

As they stood scanning the surroundings lazily, looking for an opportunity to pick a mark, they saw a security guard from Don’s Food Store kick and tase a panhandler at the front entrance. When Yura tried to intervene, two other guards in full riot gear showed up in a hurry. He backed off, but continued to shout insults at the guards. Within seconds, there were over a hundred people surrounding the security guards, who by now had pulled out their guns.

And the police was on their way.

The pan handler was lying motionless, unconscious.

Yura purposefully pushed his way to the back of the crowd that had started throwing garbage, cans, and bottles at the guards. While Mark stood watch, Yura slipped under a parked truck, pulled out a couple of tools from his backpack, and punctured the gas tank. He filled three bottles of coke with gas. It took him but a few seconds. As he slid out and away from the truck, Mark threw a burning match in the flowing gasoline stream. They seemed to know the drill. Efficient. No talk.

Suddenly the truck was on fire, engulfing other cars nearby. The police started shooting in the air and sometimes straight at the trouble makers.

“Chief, we need reinforcements, the crowd is ugly.”

“I have no spare capacity. LA is fighting their own riots. Ask Don’s security people to lend you a hand. They started the riot, didn’t they.”

Just when the rioters were beginning to wilt under police pressure, Yura threw a Molotov cocktail, and then another.

Someone drove a black Hummer straight at the police. It ran over the panhandler and went through the front doors of the food store. Don’s security killed the driver. Eric, the three-year-old orphan in the back seat was unhurt, but crying.

The mob was in a frenzy. It charged the store with reckless abandon.

The police and Don’s security were overcome. The mob took their guns and tasers and light-sticks, and duck-taped them.

Yura frantically typed the text message to a friend, Benita: “Food party at Don’s. Won’t last.”

II

Seven rioters and two policemen lay dead. The food store was emptied within minutes. The security cameras showed store workers helping themselves.

By the time reinforcements came, there was no body around the store, except for a couple of tinfoil-hats rummaging through the carnage and, of course, the dead.

Yura and his mama and Mark and his dog, Bouncer, and Eric ate well this day.

“Mama,” said Eric.

“Ah-gee, my baby” said mama.

Yura and Mark looked at each other, laughing without restraint. Bouncer looked up and howled.

Brane 3.14

The Lord of Brane 3.14, made Model T Humans about 300 million years ago hoping for a pet with a potential for higher quality entertainment. To test His creation, He put together a game that used Easter Eggs that He could buy from his Uncle Fido, the Lord of Brane 3.141.

He summoned Model T Adam and told him the rules of the Game. Adam looked disoriented and wondered about the god thing. So the god put on a show: an impressive array of miracles that broke every rule of the Game. Adam exclaimed “Jesus! I am bamboozled, Oh Rulebreaker, Oh Rulemaker, Oh Whatever!” The Holy Ghost said to himself, “Yeah, that’s it, Adam.”

So He bought the eggs from his Uncle Fido. Fido, the inveterate prankster, made the eggs so that they started hatching the moment they hit the earth…the rest is history. The humans could neither run nor talk fast enough to get themselves out of trouble.The dinosaurs ate the Model Ts.

It was hard work to catch all the dinosaurs. After they ate their staple, the humans, they started looking for an alternate source of energy. They started eating other critters the Virgin so loved to play with. Jesus could not resurrect the dead ones fast enough! That’s when He asked Stephen Hawking , his half-brother and cosmologist, for a solution. But Stephen refused to help on the grounds that the Holy Ghost was just a figment of wanton imagination. It got Jesus enraged enough to throw a rock the size of Mt. Denali at Stephen. Yes, that is how he got so crippled and all. For the love of unwitting luck, the rock he threw kicked up so much dirt in the air that it started the global winter. It lasted a thousand years. Killed every dino that failed to convert to an evangelical bird. Pretty neat, eh. But so many of the lovely pets lost their species that it made the Lord livid with love. He started a 65 million year war of love with Fido. It was divine to watch how millions of species went poof from the two loving Branes. But that’s another story.

When the war was done God came back to his project with a vengeance. He needed unconditional love, unfettered by the inter-brane rules. He reseeded the earth with a new and improved model of humans about 6000 years ago, as He saz in the good book. He did not mention the dinosaurs in the book nor the war with Fido. Believers can understand, it was a sore subject. Furthermore, He wanted to recount other amusing genocides He prized better.

He did not think humans would be smart enough to dig out those dinosaur bones, especially since Stephen was so crippled and all. But He was wrong.

Crippled or not, Stephen was too smart. Yes, the seed he ate that exposed his genitals was doctored with clever genes by you know who from Brane 3.141. It took men a mere 5900 years to dig up the dinosaur bones and a couple of trillion tons of fossil fuels that Jesus was saving for the fireworks to celebrate his second coming. But the party-pooper humans have burned up about half of it already to blaze a trail of love for the ever hungry and multiplying consumers, generating a bunch of CO2. Global Summer is upon us.

Just like the global winter of eons ago wiped out many a species including the dinosaurs, the Global Summer is ready to unleash itself. Eternally balmy weather. Whales beaching at the footsteps of the Capitol Hill. Djakarta’s airport going underwater by 2050. (But who will be flying by then?)

Holy Xon’s (variously pronounced as “son” or “x-on”) Game is now transparent. Global Summer sits well with the current business model to drain the last drop of oil for the love of exponentially increasing global population of lemmings, er, humans. See humans grow, see humans starve, see humans cannibalize. It is His idea of love. But then, parthenogenetic Mary home-schooled Him, didn’t She. And, We have Stephen’s word that the Xon was never tested with Gom Jabbar.

Perhaps Fido will subvert the Game. He will suck up all that extra CO2 and use it up in his giant soda factory. Just maybe, but maybe, this sucker-upper tornado will rapturously embrace all the terrorists in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, South Korea, Kansas, and Washington D.C. and convert them to phosphoric acid that keeps the soda so fresh tasting. And for humans the good times will continue to roll unabated: zero-down sub-prime mortgages and SUVs for all. Yes, it could happen!

Press on.

Peak Empire: The 99 Percent Solution

Lessons of history in four sentences:

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad with power.
The mills of God grind slowly, but they grind exceeding small.
The bee fertilizes the flower it robs.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.

<Charles A. Beard>

Know that peak oil is just the beginning. Just think how much excitement you can have with the ravens of peak water, food, pollution, temperature, and population! See, for example, Lester R. Brown, Outgrowing the Earth: The Food Scarcity Challenge in an Age of Falling Water Tables and Rising Temperatures (W.W. Norton & Co., NY: 2005)

Know that, unlike the shire where hobbits dwell, the lover’s lane is right smack in the middle of the theater of war. Brownouts will come before the blackout. Mark all the garbage dumps and landfills in your area on a map for your children to use as a resource for metals, glass, wood chips, paper, and anaerobically preserved hamburgers among other essentials.

Know that it will take a much bigger upheaval to wipe out humanity. We are tough. Just how ineptly the humanity will survive the energy crisis is the question. Peak empire plutocracy will survive famously; it has more in common with plutocracy in China or Russia or the new emerging plutocracy in Iraq than it has with the 99 percent of the citizenry.

The 99 percent can survive, but barely. It will require great perseverance, education, and education. It will involve great sacrifices, dissent, destruction, disobedience, and non-violent resistance to the plutocratic social construct. You may have to steal the “improbability drive” all over again.

I write this since I am told some of you do not have the electronic thumb to flag a Vogon ship to go places around the galaxy. Have no fear, and above all “Don’t Panic.” Grab your towel, drink a few beers, and wish real hard for the “heart of gold” to pay you a visit.

Walkabout.

I have three lists, one for community action, one for individual action, and one for useful professions for the 21st century. I would absolutely love it if you can add to these lists with your comments.

If you see weird numbers in the lists, just put them in your search engine to enlighten yourself with a totally useless concept. Who knows, it might come in handy as a password to enter well-guarded garbage dumps to dig for doughnuts.

1. Community Action List

Here is the a-to-z of the best things you can organize about in no particular order.

a. Demand the draft, but only with a loaded lottery that decrees: (i) no one is exempt, not legislator, not the mentally deranged president and his henchmen, not the pregnant mom, not the handicapped priest, (ii) the citizens 35 or older, legislators and high government officials, and members of the families that make more than 9.80665 times the living wage are 3.14159265 times more likely to get drafted. Legislators who vote for the war are automatically drafted to serve at the front lines. If there is an on-going war, apply the above rules all over again to send the soldiers to the front lines.

b. Demand your city or state’s right to opt out of federal adventurism in foreign lands.

c. Demand Equal access to public airwaves requiring all information media using public airwaves to reserve 1.61803399 hours within 6pm to 11pm local time each day for commercial-free free community programming.

d. Demand movement or gathering of citizens shall not be restricted within or without the country for any reason whatsoever.

e. Demand “pursuit of happiness” requiring lawmakers to make no law to regulate citizen’s (a) moral, immoral, or (anti-) social behavior, no matter how contrary the behavior is to their stodgy common sense.

f. Demand population rationing, reserving 1/3.14159265 children for every female for the next 25812.807449 days. Females shall have the right to sell this credit in open market.

g. Demand Carbon rationing at home and among nation-states.

h. Demand taxation pyramid where only the local government may be allowed to collect the taxes. Only taxes especially collected for specific state or federal services are contributed to the state or federal governments.

i. Demand radical overhaul of property and ownership laws to eliminate obnoxious accumulation of wealth in a few hands.

j. Demand laws that ensure maximum to minimum wealth ratio between the top to the bottom 2.71828183 percent of the population to be less than a factor of 9.80665.

k. Demand laws that ensure maximum to minimum compensation ratio of any organization, business entity, or corporation for its employees to be less than a factor of 9.80665.

l. Demand laws to classify churches and religious organizations as for profit businesses.

m. Demand all business entities including and especially the information media shall control less than 376.730313461 ppm (parts per million) of its market.

n. Demand all elections are based on (i) direct vote, (ii) “instant runoff,” (iii) public funding, and (iv) require that no one serves as an elected official by more than 8.314472 years over a lifetime.

o. Demand prosecution, instant removal, and perpetual disbarment of government functionaries who attempt to influence the election process before, during, or after the election.

p. Demand prosecution, instant removal, and perpetual disbarment of government functionaries at all levels who publicly profess or exhibit in speech or in action any association with or belief in any religion or religious cult or organization.

q. Demand prosecution, instant removal, and perpetual disbarment of government functionaries at all levels who (i) attempt to restrict freedom of speech in any way shape or form, or (ii) apply punitive measures to include, but not limited to, withholding of financial and other resources or use legal proceedings for the purpose of suppressing dissent, and (iii) keep lists of citizens in any way shape or form for any reason whatsoever.

r. Demand Anti-secrecy laws that force the government at all levels to be totally transparent to the public by publishing all information regarding the conduct of government in real-time without any hedging or restrictions whatsoever.

s. Demand Anti-law law by requiring that all laws have an expiry date not to exceed 8.314472 years.

t. Demand citizens’ unlimited right to bear arms.

u. Demand citizens’ unlimited right to inquire into and spy on government activities, and disclose of its dealings with groups and people within and abroad with impunity. A citizen cannot commit acts of treason.

v. Support Anti-incarceration laws to limit prison population to less than 376.730313461 ppm.

w. Demand drastic reduction in the laws on books to help drastic reduction or elimination of uniformed forces around town.

x. Demand abrogation of laws that regulate behavior to intimidate citizenry like the drug laws.

y. Demand abrogation of rules, procedures, and laws that institutionalize “pre-crime,” persecution, or harassment of citizens.

z. Hope you can contribute one more.

2. Individual Action List for extra credit

a. If you cannot support a fight with the peak empire plutocracy, move to Dorothy’s Kansas and plan to meet your maker on an accelerated schedule.

b. Move to cities that you can circumnavigate in 3.14159265 hours on foot.

c. Move to cities that have natural water supply.

d. Grow your own food and share.

e. If you are the city Prosecutor, try the real-estate agent masquerading as the mayor of your city on trumped up murder charges.

f. Accept death gracefully rather than spending the last 1 year of your life, attached to sundry tubes in a hospital, wasting resources that the community can’t afford.

g. Learn form the dwindling Native American and African tribes struggling to keep the mammon away from their sustainable enclaves.

h. Demand your grocer/retailer label foods that are genetically modified or grown using unnatural feeds and chemicals.

i. Demand your grocer/retailer label goods and foods that were transported to the store from a distance of more than 100 km.

j. Question law before you obey the rule of law.

k. Learn from the experience of Cuba and North Korea. The two countries went through their peak oil after the fall of the Soviet Russia with greatly different outcomes.

l. Ask your congressman and senator when was the CIA privatized?

m. Hug a child in Kirkuk, Kabul, or Kinshasa and tell him he is more likely to die of hunger or AIDS before he is 18 than the friendly fire from US Marines.

3. Skills for the 21st Century

a. Brewers/vintners to ensure a rambunctious future.

b. Teacher/Researcher, all subjects, to offer education to the public and to develop ideas for an unknown future. The 99 percent will not succeed without a healthy cadre of teachers and researchers.

c. Organic farmer/gardener to rekindling the art of farming without petrochemical fertilizers and heavy machinery.

d. Garbagologist to practice the art and science of harvesting garbage dumps, landfills, and abandoned industrial sites for resources. (It has nothing to do with mudslinging news-people or combing for the social security number in your garbage.)

e. Storyteller/balladeer to enthrall the old and the young with paperless entertainment and history lessons around campfire.

f. Medical doctor/herbalist/healing artist to prepare for a time when energy intensive medical procedures and petrochemical pharmaceuticals will fade away or be too expensive for most people.

g. Market maker for carbon credits. The only booming business to last the century.

h. Militarist. Those who wish to betray the 99 percent can join the military and other security forces to protect the life and property of the plutocrats.

i. Animal husbandry experts to provide muscle power for the farm and transportation.

j. Hunter/archer/gatherer/fisherman for the sustenance of the family and community.

k. Craftsmen/tradesmen of all kinds. Blacksmiths, bakers, millers, carpenters, masons, shoemakers, tailors, tanners, and weavers.

l. Gunslinger cowboys for meat and to keep everybody honest.

Peak Empire: Capitalist Theology and Population

Capitalism, cheap resources, democracy, and population have a very intricate Woody Allen like love-hate relationship with each other. Let’s look who is laughing?

Peak Capitalism

The world owes a great debt to imperialism for developing a socio-economic theology that has brought about unprecedented accumulation of power and wealth: the so-called free-enterprise capitalism. It is a system akin to Petri’s Happy Hour which is designed to attract and profit from the top 1 percent of the customers who can afford to stay beyond the end of cheap booze and free peanuts.

It is yesterday’s news that the overclass or the top one percent of the population now makes more than the bottom 95 percent [1]. The unaccounted 4 percent are of course the pit-bulls, the middle managers, the bookies, and the pastors, who serve their masters for a little bit more than nothing.

Capitalism loves people, it feeds on people. Peak Capitalism runs on disposable workers and cheap energy. It thrives on relentless escalation of consumption to serve ever-increasing consumer population. Its mantra of success is exponential growth: exponential growth in the use of resources and energy, exponential growth in the production of goods and money supply, exponential growth in the worker-consumer population. The rabbit is safe, but only if he runs faster than yesterday.

The colonial masters succeeded on the backs of an expanding source of brown and black serfs and slaves as they extended their power to every nook and cranny of the globe. It was the abundance of slave labor and menial classes that helped concentrate wealth and provided the necessary leisure time to spark the industrial revolution. There is no adequate substitute for a butler.

The Church deserves a special mention as the capitalist’s tool of choice: The open-source double-standard Jesus freaks in the Vatican and elsewhere are the vanguard that have led the charge to overwhelm the “so-called” sustainable and bartering communities around the globe. It is their job to soften up the natives into dollar-loving god-fearing free-trading gobble-gobble go-lucky insatiably hungry hordes. The Church purifies the innocent.

The larger the population, the better. The Church, unlike the nation-state, has a few cycles of feast and famine under its belt since the Roman days. The Vatican is richer than ever collecting roman candles for celibate nuns from the poor who cannot afford the breakfast. “This earth was made for a few, the rest can go to heaven” is the Holy Bull of them all. I am sure the college of cardinals yearns for the days when slavery was the corner-stone of the creed of warring popes. What it wouldn’t do to help the modern day Medici’s. The women are free to work for less, all sanctified by the holy writ.

Democracy

Democracy runs well when there is abundance of cheap resources and a population well below the carrying capacity.

The carrying capacity, of course depends on the total quantity of the most constrained resource available divided by the “acknowledged minimum” use of that resource per capita. Is it oil or water or both? Just do not forget to include your friendly cats, polar bears, and dolphins in your calculation.

If one factors in human folly into the carrying capacity formula, the “acknowledged minimum” can be replaced by “absolute minimum” without any loss of generality.

The democracy offers a facade of freedom to the citizens. In politics of abundance, if the citizen are taught well in public schools, the teeniest of them will bark like a plutocrat, salute the flag like a hawk, willingly die for the country like a lemming, and unwittingly support the capitalist goal of accumulation of wealth and power in a few hands. Their willing participation is cheaper and more efficient.

Ancient democracies ran on slave power. As citizen population hovered at its carrying capacity and nutrient-depleted fields required increasingly higher input of slave power, the plutocrats were compelled to adopt autocratic form of rule. When you need to starve a population to maintain opulence of a few, democratic accountability does not work too well.

As an aside, it is not all bad for the democracy buffs. The paradigm works in reverse as well. When Western Europe found itself awash with colonial wealth beyond belief, the hold of autocracies crumbled. For example, British history aptly illustrates how the divine rights of the Kings vanished, leaving behind a royal zoo at Buckingham Palace, as resources became abundant at the expense of the colonies and industrialism broke out.

Peak Oil

The current imperial energy binge went into high gear when James Watt introduced his coal-fired steam engine in 1769. It heralded the beginning of the energy revolution. The splurge continues to this day, marred only by a few internal squabbles like the so-called WWI and WWII, and massive genocides elsewhere to keep the sometime unruly warlords in check.

We shall not discuss the coming plateau and eventual decline of available resources, energy really, on a global scale here [2]. Suffice it to say the current oil production is about 83 million barrels per day, and it is highly unlikely it will ever go much higher than that. So if there is an alternate source of energy waiting in the wings, it better come up quick, it better be huge, and it better be dirt cheap. Yes, garbage will work if we can make Professor Brown to come back from the future [3].

Once again we are at the edge of carrying capacity. Once again we are entering an era of chronic shortage of all known usable sources of energy [4]. Once again the plutocracy is arming itself to starve the population to keep its wealth to itself.

We are told humans have this ability to turn it on! When oil is gone, we will find something else, or we will transform ourselves overnight to sustainable localized anarchies, or we will simply wait for the Rapture, or we will let the junkers whip our ass. I bet a dollar most anarchists will die in the corn fields, shackled and pulling the yoke. And, I bet yet another dollar that if we do find another source of energy it won’t be in time, it won’t be as cheap as oil, and it won’t be as abundant.

Population

The population ties it all together. Cheap resources serve the population, led by the plutocrats who get the lion’s share of wealth and power. Once the genie of cheap resources is out, the capitalist diligently invokes the Faustian principle of exponential growth. There is no turning back: the production, the consumption, and the population all must increase exponentially to maintain economic health. The only way to avoid Malthusian death is to discover a still cheaper set of resources. Increasing population coupled with the depletion of the resources du jour nibble away democracy and freedom. Prof. Bartlett has pointed it out before, “Malthusian predictions may have been premature, but his math is impeccable.” As Romans discovered slave power was unsustainable, so is oil power.

The population has doubled since the 1970s. There are more selfless people contributing to the wealth building process and sleeping hungry on the streets of cities like Calcutta and San Francisco today than there were people in the world in 1930. They have provided the ticket to make space exploration possible. Their unshakable resolve to help the plutocrat’s wealth-building machinery is nothing short of a miracle.

Consider this: In 1960, the oil production was about 20 mb/d and the world human population was 3.02 billion. The prediction is in the year 2040, while the world oil production is expected to fall to the 1960-levels, the world population will be almost 3 times higher to about 8.58 billion [5]. We will need alternate energy source to feed 5.5 billion of them! Not to worry, the politicians, between now and then, expect to rediscover cold fusion with a real punch.

We know we have big brains, and that makes us different from bacteria. Yet, our Faustian contract with peak capitalism makes us one.

Let’s dispense with the niceties, shall we?

The Peak Empire proclaims democracy, justice, and equality for all. But runs on a social theology that enriches the plutocrat at the expense of disposable people (working population) and throwaway diapers (consuming population). If you do not like it or cannot hack it, pray. The god is waiting for you on the other side with sexy damsels and honey.

George F. Kennan wrote in 1948 “We have about 50 percent of the world’s wealth but only 6.3 percent of its population…In this situation, we cannot fail to be the object of envy and resentment. Our real task in the coming period is to devise a pattern of relationships which will permit us to maintain this position of disparity without positive detriment to our national security…The day is not far off when we are going to have to deal in straight power concepts.”

Half a century later, we are there. There is little left on the globe that can be had by political or financial chicanery. Expect to see “straight power concepts” in action: the resource wars are here to stay.

The overclass knows too well the era of abundance in America is in its twilight years. It will be hard to maintain democracy while continuing to accumulate wealth. It is time to starve the citizenry.

Wealth building is a god-given right, and hiding it in nice-sounding words is an essential subterfuge to protect the plutocrats from the unworthy hordes. In polite company it is called the free market democratic capitalism. It runs on growth. It uses population growth as a resource as well as the final destination for rampant consumption. Its purpose is to aggregate huge wealth and resources for the oligarchs. Its tools include World bank, IMF, Haliburton, Microsoft, the organized church, the drug policy, the Patriot Act, military adventurism, and the nuclear option.

Count your blessings and check if your other car is a Lamborghini. If not, know that the offer of an 80-hour work-week to the American families is more than generous, especially when you know anyone can be a millionaire.

Poor sods going three rah-rah-rahs for free enterprise should check-out the latest statistics on their chances to become a millionaire or even their ability to get a degree from a decent school. If you want to be a millionaire, plan to move to Iraq or Russia or central Asia. Destabilized plutocracy in those places offers better odds for the enterprising thief to become a millionaire than the Peak Empire. Upper middle class living in Indonesia or India includes a cook, a maid, a gardener, a driver, and if it is your fancy, a concubine. Stop drooling!

Jevons Paradox is usually applied to the resources like coal and oil of exponentially growing economies. However, peak capitalism treats working-class humans as a resource much like oil. With this fresh insight, one can see why the real earnings of working people have been stagnant if not reduced over the years. As workplace becomes automated and efficient, individual worker is offered less compensation to maintain body and soul together. While energy (or money) expended to maintain a single worker deceases, larger armies are needed to sustain the growth of the economic ensemble. Like the bacteria on a Petri dish, the humans multiply while the going is good [6].

This is the crux of the reason why human population cannot stop growing until it overshoots the absolute carrying capacity. Peak capitalism feeds on institutionalized greed. Which bank would lend you 100 and expect 90 back? What CEO would consciously produce less (using less resources) than the last quarter and expect to survive in his job?

So far the peak empire has had the luxury to maintain disparity between itself and the globe around it a la Kennan. It was relatively less expensive to keep the citizenry happy with bones and democracy. As the world begins to run dry things are changing.

Let us look at the current state of the home of the braves: Does an over-populated oil-hungry peak empire augur well for human dignity, freedom, or democracy?

Is loss of human dignity, the corner stone of the politics of abundance, a big concern of the Empire?

Dignity of the human species is personified in the president, the pope, and Brittany Spear. The lack of dress on Brittany, the girly dress of the Pontiff, and the defaced Mount Rushmore say it all. When was the last time you went sightseeing strip-mines in Pennsylvania? It is a pernicious concept that man-in-the-street needs dignity, especially since it does not help his disposition to selflessly contribute to the osmotic concentration of wealth.

Would you risk your life to climb a coconut tree to get your lunch and barter some to get the penis-erector herbs from the local shaman to engage in big-bam open-air under-the-full-moon sex, or rather participate in a dignified Darwinian struggle with your neighbor to win the right to suck at the barely dripping municipal faucet?

Who wouldn’t want to replace a rather poor sustainable little tribal community in central Africa that has no use for the Monsanto seeds by a metropolis, built around imposing skyscrapers, teeming with AIDS-infested purified Christians who would selflessly give their life-savings to help the pharmaceuticals and the local warlords?

Is loss of freedom a big concern of the Empire?

“The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it’s profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, pull back the curtains, and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.” [Frank Zappa]

Well, Frank, it is about time to pull back the curtains.

Is loss of democracy a big concern of Empire?

“…democracy cannot survive overpopulation. Human dignity cannot survive. Convenience and decency cannot survive. As you put more and more people onto the world, the value of life not only declines, it disappears. It doesn’t matter if someone dies, the more people there are, the less one person matters.” [7]

Some people say we worry that our democratic values are being undermined. This is neither unexpected nor a problem. It is only natural that our dictatorial behavior as the fattest bully on the globe gets duplicated at home to discipline the increasingly poor citizenry. It happened in Rome, it shall happen in Washington.

Does the citizenry know what’s going to hit them?

No. But that is just because I am a confirmed misanthrope.

I do promise to say something nice soon about what a citizen is to do in the coming decades of disorder.

———

[1] Edward N. Wolff, “Recent Trends in Wealth Ownership,” Conference on “Benefits and Mechanisms for Spreading Asset Ownership in the United States,” New York University, December 10-12, 1998.

[2] See, for example, Kenneth S. Deffeyes, Beyond Oil. The View from Hubbert’s Peak, 2005, or Colin J. Campbell and Jean H. Laherrère, “The End of Cheap Oil,” Scientific American, March 1998.

[3] See the movie “Back to the Future.”

[4] What is not peaking yet is also very telling: the global temperature, the global garbage and sludge production, the world population, the global starvation and disease.

[5] For population estimates see United Nations, “The World at Six Billion,” 1999. For oil statistics, see for example, Ref. [2] above.

[6] Author’s end-of-the-world limerick

Mr burgundy begot a brat on Sundy
One on Mondy, and another on Tuesdy, …
The earth got hit
With so much shit
It decided to stop spinning on Fridy

[7] Issac Asimov, Bill Moyers’ World of Ideas, 1989]